in a perfect world

michabelle @ 2009-05-08T08:30:00

2009-05-08T12:34:58Z

heartache.

michabelle @ 2009-05-06T09:02:00

2009-05-06T13:15:48Z

taken by complete and utter surprise.
fall in love just to get knocked down.
at this point..
i dont know which is harder.
a. staying best friends with the person that "isnt in love with you anymore" after 2 years.
b. shutting out your best friend who "isnt in love with you anymore" after 2 years.

michabelle @ 2007-09-23T15:38:00

2007-09-23T19:46:32Z

so lifes been hectic
finding it very hard to settle in.
i have a constant in my life and that scares me.
9-5 everyday.
i never thought i'd have a job like this.
have a desk.
have an office.
Run a factory.
WHO FUCKING KNEW.
its amazing.
but scary.

Other things:
I bought a car.
actually its a suburban.
at least thats what it says on the title.
(Honda Element)

AND yesterday i put money down for a new apartment.
I move in on Friday.
Its in Medford.
Sooo Sunday. Whoever is around should come over.
Company is Key.

thats all for now. i have to finish packing.
<3

michabelle @ 2007-09-16T20:17:00

2007-09-17T01:04:11Z

Random ass weekend.
Turning into some of my favorite memories.
Long Island.
New Jersey.
Philly.

Mis Sigs
Agony Scene
Emmure

The people who compose these bands are my new FAVORITE people.
Soooo much love.

Lex.. I louvre you. thank you again.
And Jess! Youre the bomb diggs chica!!!

all i gotta say is "we're boyfriend"
AND.. Just Sweep It...Just Sweep It.

ANDDDD Thank You.
It's going to be a long fuckin month and a half.

To be totally lame for a second.
I miss this kid already.
Blarg.

::allll smiles::
<333333

best friends means:

2007-07-03T02:20:12Z

You are a liar.
a cheat.
unloyal.
manipulative.
COWARD.
and a terrible excuse for a christian.

you pride yourself on your beliefs and your "friendships"
but honey, friendship goes hand in hand with selflessness.
And THAT is a quality you do NOT possess.

Go ahead.
Hide.
Pretend like youve done nothing wrong.
But remember the only person that matters is watching your every move.

All in all is in the past.
But what goes around....
comes the fuck around twice fold.

michabelle @ 2007-06-20T17:29:00

2007-06-20T21:29:56Z

she doesnt give a damn.

i keep deleting this. but i want to post it somewhere.

2007-06-15T15:48:05Z

man up.

i'd probably float
at least the sharks have my back.
but would you glance twice.
with patchwork carelessly stitched.
i am drifting off
not without the breeze of your breath

you've erased my name.
my face.
my kiss.
my calls.
but darling dont forget this.

ive been choking on my words.
trying to get to a point.
but you were the lucky one.
my named rolled off your lips.

run in circles,
trip the girl,
shes fallen hard.
you asked her to.
she'll never see this coming.
flee the scene.
this is where it gets tricky.

you offered friendship
but whats happened to you
has left that word a shell.

Bear,
If you want me to think less of you
keep your actions where theyre heading.
dont worry
i'm really not all hurt.
onward, progress is the new name of the game.
and i'm advancing just fine.

this towels been thrown in
the damage is done.
but i swear if you make another promise
that you'll never keep.
i dont know if i'll be able to retain
the want to slit your throat.

accepting that its really over.

2007-06-11T23:15:14Z

me: its raining, do you still have my umbrella?
bobby: yeah i used it the last storm we had...... didn't really provide cover
bobby: so i'm going to give it back
bobby: in exchange for gym shorts and contact solution

the REAL means to an end.
the exchange.

michabelle @ 2007-06-08T23:40:00

2007-06-09T03:41:39Z

i am disgusted.

2 Months.

2007-05-28T06:20:24Z

michabelle @ 2007-05-22T00:21:00

2007-05-22T04:27:37Z

Bobby: i was trying to write that "i love you"
             : and everything was getting scrambled
             : all i could think was
             : "you're not going to stop me from telling her "i love you"

this is long. and my face hurts.

2007-05-04T03:50:51Z

he said we're going on an adventure.
and at first i wasnt a believer.

but to no avail..
adventures followed.
just like everytime we are randomly romping around.

today was gorgeous.
at least 75 in the sun.
it started with a shitty class but i built something fun.
then i met my gf lexipants in union square where we bought deliciously mispriced honeydew and sat and gossipped/she let me vent about stupid stuff in my life.
thanks lexicus.<3
it was nice to sit around union square
theres something about that place.
maybe its watching the pretty people that flock to the area.
or watching the dogs chase eachother around just for a sniff in the dogpark.
or the skeevy dudes that you just wish for once wouldnt shout obcenities as your walking past.
i just dont know.
then i scooted up to class on the R.
which was held at central park south.
so mark, angela, brian, and andrew(at least for a little while) all decided to go off and play football instead of drawing like good little art students. but apparently FAO is anti sport playing so we decided to just lay around.
15 minutes of sketching and 2 hours and 45 minutes of good old sun bathing in your bra in the middle of New York City with your best friends action.
it was glorious.
ALAS.. my face,shoulders and belly are BURNING.
mostly my nose..
thats right.. i am the official proud owner of a sunglasses sunburn.
and it was worth every second.
class ended so it was time to depart.
i didnt have another class so i hung around to draw.
Bobby showed up and tried to defeat me VIA inch worms.
i was not happy.
we frolicked in search of a gazebo/caboose.
dont ask.
and then our adventure steered more towards finding a working bathroom.
which evidently was quite a feat.
but well worth the outcome.
our next adventure was in search of food.
hours later we decided on a diner.
and had my first meal officially off detox.
...handmade bean, broccoli, and potatoe veggie burger with lettuce, pickles and french fries.
if this diner wasnt in east ass it would be my new favorite spot.
.manhattan diner equals delicious.
we decide to head to our respected homes.
but decide to just walk for a while and pass a bunch of train stations because our conversation was just tooo good.

side story:
bobby has been telling me all week to hold on to his front pocket. since my hand is always in his back pocket. but when someone holds onto someones front pocket it means theyre your bitch.. or at least in high school this was the case. so tonight he decided he was gonna "demand" for me to hold his pocket. in which i replied.."well SHEESH, if you would have just said it like that in the first place i would have done it last week." ::insert me holding his front pocket:: in which he stood up straight continuing to walk and put this smirk on his face that was if he was coming to the realisation that he was so fucking cool.
end side story.

as if i didnt love this kid enough already.
every fucking day.
its quite nice to just laugh whole heartedly.

anyways...
we get to 42nd street and bobby says.."hey wheres your sketch book"
adventure no. 3 starts as we make our trek all the way back to broadway and 75th.

so really.
today was quite a suprisingly nice relaxing fun tiring lovely day. and i def. wasnt expecting to get home at 1030 considering my class ended at 5.

woo i love the summer
and central park.
and spending my time with people i love.
<3

CLICK IT SUKKUHS!

2007-04-30T17:26:41Z

this is the link to my Senior Show at FIT.
this is all of the illustration pieces that are going in!
mine are towards the end.
so are bobby's.
CHECK IT OUT.
and if you want to see it in person thenn...
may 8th to the 23rd go to the Museum at FIT otherwise known as the E building.
at 27th street and 7th avenue.
obviously i'd like to think you'd call me if youre going to come.
opening night is gonna be a big deal so i'll post details on that soon.
and it would be amazing to see some people in support of what i do.
<3
http://www3.fitnyc.edu/illustration/seniorshow2007/

"yo, that guy wants sunchips."

2007-04-30T03:23:21Z

last night was fucking awesome.
lex sarah and i went to beauty bar.
sarah left early, so lex and i got some good ole girlfriend drunkie time in.
it was WELL deserved and much needed.
its nights like these that everything just makes sense.
Best Friends Are For Knife Fights.
so needless to say.. we got hammered.
or at least i got hammered and lex got drunk. haha.
we met a really sweet barback who took a liking to the trouble lex and i were causing.
we participated in a dance party.
and then decided i should prolly stop drinking.
i yelled at a bunch of people on the street just because i wanted to be loud and obnoxious.
and i drunk dialed some people.
and i laughed uncontrollably for quite a while.
and then we headed for home.
took the N which meant i had to walk the 12 blocks up to my apt in heels. grr.
but i was numb at this point so whatever.
ended up walking right past bobby and mike and not realising it till he called and was like "hey i'm at this block" and me being like "hey im at this block.. HOW DID I MISS YOU GUYS"
anyways. we got to my apt. and the boys ate their egg sandwiches.
and were quite adorable about it.
bobby and i wrestled for a while then fell asleep because as i said before i was quite hammered.
woke up and wrestled some more till meg joined us in bed until i kicked her out.
mike overslept and went to work a good 8 hours after he was supposed to be there.
which gave us time to have a kickass convo about love and life on the way to our jobs.
started day 1 of detox. which at this point has been a success except for how bad i was craving something fatty and delicious after a night full of boozing.
bought detox tea which is delish minus the pepper taste.
and ate cucumbers all day at work.
now i'm home
doing homework.
and slowly starting to remember silly stuff that i did last night on the streets of new york.
"YOU BITCH"

anyways.
that has been my last 24 hours.
and i am completely smitten about it all.

and..i dont know how or why or when it happened but. i <3 him.
actually. i know exactly how. and why. and when.

michabelle @ 2007-04-28T19:20:00

2007-04-28T23:26:57Z

few things...

1.alex, sarah and i start our 7-9 day detox program tomorrow.
i'm quite excited to be "clean"
i sound like an addict.
awesome.
2.school is SOOO close to being over.
but my parents might not be able to come to graduation.
and i'm REALLY bummed about this.
because there really isnt any reason to go to graduation now.
3.half my store got laid off because of cutbacks.
and i got more hours.
how? why? what? SCORE!
4.i still dont have text messaging.
and i'm still dying without it.
DAMNIT DAD!
5.like you didnt see this one coming..
Bobby is..well.. amazing.
came home from work today to my bed made and a heart on my pillow.
fucking nauseatingly adorable.

thats all that i can think of thats new right now.

And all we have left are memories.

2007-04-16T14:38:40Z

i feel like i'm floating right now.
like i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere.
and need someone to throw me up some rocks to weigh me back down to earth.

my dad's phone call at 8 am this morning was one filled with the biggest mix of emotions to date.
he was cheerful.
but sad inside.
a sad that makes your voice crack even through attempts to be cheerful.
a cheerful only to comfort your daughter.
and make sure she knows or at least thinks her father is the strongest man in the world.

the doctors say its my grandfathers final hours.

he's off life support.
in wishes to die naturally.

i dont know how to comprehend/deal with this.

i was lucky enough to see him last week in Florida.
when his health was seemingly doing better than prior days.

and he said goodbye.
and i said goodbye.

I love you Grampaa.
<3

dustin said it best....

2007-03-24T04:46:30Z

All i can say is
I knew you before
you were beautiful back then
before you grew up
before you gave in

you dream of sharing your heart
instead you share your bed
youre heart beats empty and cold
from all the tears you have shed

you dream of bearing your soul
instead you bare more skin
you wear dark glasses
to keep anyone from looking in

and all i can say is
i knew you before
you were beatiful back then
you could be beautiful again.

michabelle @ 2007-03-19T12:32:00

2007-03-19T16:34:30Z

FrozFruit Bananas & cream is my favorite thing on earth right now.
if you bought me a box i wouldnt be opposed to loving you all night long.

michabelle @ 2007-03-14T01:15:00

2007-03-14T05:17:18Z

oh yeah..
Roy and I got arrested last night!!!
it was awesome!!
no really.
it was.

michabelle @ 2007-03-14T01:09:00

2007-03-14T05:15:18Z

I am afraid:
I will never resurface to catch a breath.

my new tablet is THE FUCKING BOMB DIGS!

2007-01-07T05:30:18Z

i am sick and tired...

2006-12-31T03:19:42Z

OF BEING SICK AND TIRED.

we are not fine..
not just because you say we are.
i've been just rolling with the punches.
which was fine for a while.
but the punches stopped a LONG time ago.
and i havent gotten so much as a dull breeze in my direction.
finally theres something.
theres hope.
<---"incessantly hopeful"
but the only thing hope is good for is dissapointment.
as so to be proved.
and no this time it wasnt your fault.
but i'm sorry to say this, but...
TALK IS FUCKING CHEAP.

well its not fair.
its not even close.
you tied me down.
where i'm forced to watch as you poke holes.
in every part of me.
containing something secretely.
something sacred to me.
i lied my face of when i said i would be ok.
its never fine when you go away.
these cuts run deep.
these scars are permanent
and always on display.
this makes things difficult for me.

you fed me the sun.
burned me up inside.
and watched me choke.

i'm teaching. pay attention....

2006-12-04T01:35:14Z

Lesson one: DONT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.

more lessons to follow.

michabelle @ 2006-11-17T16:14:00

2006-11-17T20:14:27Z

i dont know what happened last night but when i woke up there was sperm on my stomach, the walls and andrews hand.

draw your own conclusions.

1st theme party in the new apt. = a success

michabelle @ 2006-11-14T14:54:00

2006-11-14T18:54:33Z

i can only put forth so much when youre barely getting an ounce back.

dear michelle,

i'm sorry ive been neglectful.
things have been rough for us.
but expect the flipside.
great things are happening.
i love you.
i swear.

love,
yourself.